my vag is so smooth its legendary
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize