shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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