Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
