FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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