i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
