You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
