Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
