dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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