I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
