My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
