No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
