did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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