the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
