The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize