I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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