my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
