im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
