ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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