yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
