hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
