WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
