Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
