Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
