I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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