There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
