I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
