Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
