okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
