3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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