Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
