they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
