Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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