I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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