i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
