you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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