Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I want her autograph on my taint
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
