i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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