I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
