Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize