I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
