Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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