Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize