it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
