...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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