On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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