my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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