i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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