Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
