That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
