I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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