you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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