I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
