I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
