she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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