Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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