I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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