just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
