I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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