Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
