I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think a kid would responsible me up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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