It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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