Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
