Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Need sex. Gaining weight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
