theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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