i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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