I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
