Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have aggressive nipples.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
