Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
