she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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