The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
