i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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