is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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