I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
