shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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