he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize