Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
