OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
