I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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