What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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