Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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