you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
