Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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