I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
