Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
