well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
