textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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