One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
