I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
