Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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